Self Love: Challenging Yourself for Career Growth
August 11, 2018
It is a very shallow definition of self-love if it is only something that could be measured. Self-love is not about allowing yourself to spend much money on a bag or a dress. Self-love is not about changing your lifestyle just because of the number the scale shows you. It is not about getting mad and down when others do not think you as the way you want them to. Prioritising yourself above everything is not always a self-love. It is not about choosing anything that is easy and less risky just so that you would not let yourself stress. Self-love is not about babying yourself.
However, as my life goes on, I see and meet new people, my own definition of self-love has evolved.
When I allow myself to suffer and struggle for the better and improved me, I consider that as self-love. Here is the difference: It is okay to struggle and be painful as long as you know where it leads you; the benefits you would gain at the end of the journey. You have to know the path you are in. I would not bother to waste my energy for something that does not prosper me.
Let me give you two different example cases.
Sophia knows how to love her self. She has everything in her life; supportive family, amazing friends and a handsome pay from her first job. She loves what she does at work; no sweat, no pressure, no extra brain needed, no challenge. Her bosses love her and her work ethics. The job allows her to have work life balance. She is in her comfort zones. Until she spends time with her friends who are at the same entry-level position, same pay, but talk topics that matter which Sophia is missing out. The more conversations she listens to, the more she questions why she does not gain the knowledge and experience that the other friends have. She starts feeling insecure and considering to find a new challenge and opportunity in other companies.
If you were Sophia, which one would you do?
(A) I love myself: I am going to make myself feel better and not be insecure. I do not need to change anything that I can’t change. Everything will be okay. I should not stress over it. Everybody has their own paths.
(B) I love myself: Hey, wait. Why am I feeling like this? Have I really learned something from this job? Do I really want to be like this forever? It seems like I can still have more potentials than just doing what I do. My learning curve in this company seems to be stagnant.
The ending of the story is known for people who choose A.
Now, if you choose B...
Sophia now lands at a company that could offer her a better position. Now the situation is a total different; the opposite of her previous work. It is something beyond she can ever imagine. She works more than 12 hours a day. She knows many new connections. She learns new things with the new responsibilities. She learns to survive. She struggles. She falls. She gets up. Her boss loves her. Her boss is not satisfied with her. Her boss asks for more. She cries. She comes back. She feels down. She lets go. Everything on repeat.
Now, if you were Sophia, which one would you do?
(A) I love myself: I understand the situation is worse and more challenging. This is so stressful, I just can’t. I’m so depressed. I’ll give a try one more time and let’s see if everything gets better. Let’s wait for another month. At least, I survive every time the storm comes.
(B) I love myself: I understand the situation is worse and more challenging. This is too stressful. I just can’t. I’m too depressed. It is not worth my time, my energy. I’ll find somewhere better. I’ll just quit.
Of course, in order to make a decision there should many things to consider. However, one does not have to understand the whole big picture. One only needs to understand the path they are on - where this probably would lead them. And, understand themselves: Is this what you want? Does this all prepare you to be a person you want to be in the future?
In Sophia case, she understands that she has not yet used her all potentials. She craves for more. Once she is in doubt, she tries to understand the path she is choosing and valuing whether what she wants still aligns with her path.
Once you have understood yourself at that moment, every decision you make based on it is a form of self-love.
Once you have understood yourself at that moment, every decision you make based on it is a form of self-love.
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